


this is how the world works

by polymerase



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Drabble, F/M, Implied Sexual Content, a lot of it there's a lot of angst, also there's basically zero dialogue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-24
Updated: 2014-03-24
Packaged: 2018-01-16 22:05:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1363393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/polymerase/pseuds/polymerase
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The world is a cruel place, he tells her, and she says yes, but it is also beautiful, because they have lived a millennium and she knows this to be true.</p>
            </blockquote>





	this is how the world works

**Author's Note:**

  * For [xuyue](https://archiveofourown.org/users/xuyue/gifts).



> this is for jac because she made me ship this in the first place. 
> 
> also I suggest listening to run by daughter and breath of life by florence + the machine when you read this.

The beginning of them goes something like this:  
  
A boy and a girl in a tiny little house with blood on their smooth hands and three dead bodies on the ground. Someday, he will go on to discover a determination second only to hers to protect him. But for now, they are nine years old and murderers and each other's safety.  
  
He holds her hand tightly and gives her a scarf that she silently vows to keep forever because she has nothing else but this scarf and this boy now. He tells her he's her family and she says okay, because she is nine and he is nine and that is how the world works when you are nine.  
  
When she loses another set of parents, the sting of death settles on her heart because he has lost them too, and it is not just her burden. The will to protect him is fiercer, the love she has nurtured and hidden sharpened by pain.  
  
His eyes well with tears and she hugs him and says "I will go with you" because he is her family and that is how the world works when you are Mikasa Ackerman.  
  


* * *

  
When she is fifteen, there are three things she thinks are most important to know. Firstly, this world is a cruel and unusual place, and it is probably a punishment for her past lives. The second is there are very few people she can trust in this world, and she has been lucky enough to find them early on in life. And the third thing is simple: there is sometimes more comfort in a physical touch than in empty words.  
  
Mikasa learns all these things far before she is fifteen, some earlier than others, but already she is ahead on her life lessons.  
  
The first she learns the hard way and continues to master for six years. The second becomes clear at some time in between then and now, and the third she learns in a tiny bunk with Eren in the sleeping quarters of the 104th Training Squad.  
  
She has had more experience with fingers that curl in the the right places and thumbs that rub but he is more enthusiastic than her and she does not mind teaching him this. Their voices are muffled by kisses and pillows and hands but they take pleasure in being together, and words aren't necessary for them to learn each other's bodies.  
  
Mikasa comes to know Eren inside and out, more than she thought possible, but secrets and promises whispered in the dark mean more than facts discovered in the daylight, and so she continues to study him.  
  
And this is why it comes as a shock to her when Eren discovers his change.  
  
She knows it's him when he takes out the titans on their way to kill her, she isn't clueless or stupid or blind. What she doesn't know is how she could have considered death as an option when Eren would have wanted her to live. Her excuse is weak and she knows it.  
  
"It wouldn't have been living without you."  
  
His breath hitches in his throat and he wraps her up tightly in his now-human arms and mumbles half-formed promises in her ear. She believes him for now, because she would rather be happy in a shallow agreement than unwilling to live in the possibility of the future.  
  
The day comes when Eren is taken away. Armin buries his head under a blanket. Mikasa ties her scarf tight, tight, tighter than usual, hides the tears in the scarlet fabric, and punches the wall until her knuckles bleed and she is numb.  


  


* * *

  


He is short and he is cold and he is blank and Mikasa, for once, is endlessly glad that he is there.  
  
Levi swings with Eren in his arms from tree to tree and she is barely breathing as she follows. For all of her strength she could not save Eren from the titan's mouth. It is just like her nightmare, where he is bitten in half like Carla and his leg is ripped off with his hand, and even though she didn't see it like Armin did, the weight of it hurts in reality as much as it does in her mind.  
  
But Eren is alive, and days later, while Annie is encased and asleep, she kisses him breathless. For every time he has scared her or risked his life or teetered on the edge of losing his humanity, she kisses him to remind herself that he is there.  
  
"Mikasa," he whispers, and this time they are not rushing before someone wakes up or experimenting with touch and taste. It is slow, their lovemaking, and it is more meaningful than any words they could say. Little gasps and noises bring her close to tears because each one is a reminder that Eren has breath in his lungs and his hands on her waist.  
  
And that is all that matters.  
  


* * *

  
  
The end of them goes something like this:  
  
A boy and a girl in an endless forest with blood on their calloused hands and dead bodies all around. Some are meters long and some are mere feet tall. Once upon a time, they were young and innocent and holding knives. But now they are old and jaded to the world and hold swords and each other.  
  
Her scarf is long gone, trapped on a tree, and his determination was tossed away when his friends all lost the ability to have any of their own.  
  
The world is a cruel place, he tells her, and she says yes, but it is also beautiful, because they have lived a millennium and she knows this to be true.  
  
They are two of an ever-shrinking number of humans left. The burden is not theirs to bear, and they have gladly let it go. He grabs her hand and they walk towards the horizon, uncaring and unfeeling, because that is how the world should be when you are Mikasa Ackerman.

**Author's Note:**

> the end. Mostly I wrote this to get it off of my mind. 
> 
> ((And you can't tell me there wasn't so much sexual experimentation in the 104th training squad pls))
> 
> hope you enjoyed and it didn't suck too much. 
> 
> -ladypem


End file.
